Spoiler-Rific Recap of Stargate Universe
Scene: A cozy New York café, two film critics sit across from each other, steaming cups of coffee in hand.
Critic 1: So, let’s break down Stargate Universe. It’s basically the “Lost” of the Stargate franchise, right? A bunch of people stranded in space, but instead of a mysterious island, they’re on a spaceship that looks like it was built during a “what’s the cheapest way to make a sci-fi show?” sale.
Critic 2: Exactly! And let’s not forget the premise: a group of mismatched characters, including a few military types, scientists, and one very snarky doctor, get sucked through a Stargate and end up on the Destiny. It’s like they took the cast of a high school play and said, “Good luck, kids!”
Critic 1: Right? And speaking of luck, how about that time they realize the ship is on a one-way trip through the universe? Talk about a bad vacation! They can’t go back home, and the only way to survive is to find new planets for supplies. It’s like camping, but with more existential dread.
Critic 2: And let’s not forget the drama! There’s more backstabbing and love triangles than at a high school prom. Eli, the lovable nerd, has a crush on Chloe, who’s dating Scott, the brooding soldier. It’s a classic case of “who’s going to get pregnant first in space?”
Critic 1: Don’t forget about Rush! He’s the genius who has all the answers but also a flair for the dramatic. Every time he opens his mouth, you can practically hear the dramatic music. “Oh, we’re going to die? Let me explain my five-step plan to save us while I also try to take control of the ship!”
Critic 2: And let’s talk about the mysterious aliens! They’re like that one friend who always shows up uninvited. First, you have the “blue people” who are just as confused as the crew. Then there’s the “ancients” who seem to have a bad habit of leaving behind dangerous technology. Thanks for the gift, guys!
Critic 1: Oh, and how could we forget the whole “mind-bending” plot twist where they learn that the ship is actually a sentient being? I mean, who knew the Destiny was the ultimate diva? “I won’t take you home until I get a spa day!”
Critic 2: And the finale! Talk about a cliffhanger. The crew finally makes a breakthrough, only to get stuck in a time loop. It’s like they’re living in a sci-fi version of “Groundhog Day.” “Oh great, we’re going to relive our worst moments, but in space!”
Critic 1: I can’t believe they left us hanging like that. It’s like they had a great party and then just kicked everyone out before dessert. “See you in the next galaxy, folks!”
Critic 2: Overall, Stargate Universe is a wild ride filled with enough twists and turns to make your head spin. It’s got drama, suspense, and characters that you’ll love to hate. Just remember, if you’re looking for a happy ending, you might want to check out a different franchise!