The Conjuring: A Hauntingly Hilarious Recap
Welcome to the charmingly terrifying world of The Conjuring, where 1970s fashion meets demonic possession, and where a family in Rhode Island must have really regretted their decision to buy a house that looks like it’s auditioning for a horror movie.
Set in the quaint little town of Harrisville, Rhode Island in 1968, we meet the Perron family, who are less interested in home improvement and more interested in surviving the night. Seriously, if I had a nickel for every time they heard a creepy noise, I could buy them a house with fewer ghostly tenants.
Enter Ed and Lorraine Warren, the ghostbusters of their day, who are basically the paranormal version of your overly enthusiastic relatives showing up uninvited to “help” you move. Ed, with his charming dad vibe and impeccable sideburns, and Lorraine, who’s got enough psychic intuition to make your head spin, arrive to save the day—or at least try to get the spirits to stop knocking over furniture at 3 AM.
As the Warrens dig deeper, they discover that the house has a dark history, which is about as surprising as finding out that every horror movie ever has a creepy basement. The previous owners didn’t just leave behind bad memories; they left behind an angry witch named Bathsheba, who, spoiler alert, is not a fan of new residents. I mean, can you blame her? If I was stuck in a house for centuries, I’d be pretty cranky too.
The film features all the classic horror clichés: doors creaking open, ominous shadows lurking in the background, and a little girl who’s way too good at playing hide and seek. Seriously, if she goes missing one more time, I’d be tempted to call a ghost instead of the police. But it’s not just any ghost; it’s the kind that really wants to join the family dinner.
As the Warrens try to exorcise the evil spirit, we get a front-row seat to some seriously scary moments, like when Lorraine gets grabbed by an unseen force (because why not?), and when the family’s dog, who clearly has better instincts than the humans, decides to peace out. If only they had listened to the dog, they could have avoided all the trouble!
In the climactic showdown, Ed and Lorraine face off against Bathsheba, who makes every family dinner argument look like a mild disagreement over what to watch on Netflix. The Warrens, armed with their faith and a bunch of religious artifacts, engage in a battle of wills that’s one part exorcism, two parts “get out of my house, you old hag!”
By the end, after some supernatural shenanigans and a whole lot of yelling, the spirit is banished, and the Perron family can finally sleep without the fear of being possessed during their nightly Netflix binge. But let’s be real—the real horror lies in the fact that they still have to deal with the mortgage.
So, if you’re in the mood for a movie that combines classic horror tropes with a touch of familial strife, The Conjuring delivers. Just remember: if your house starts acting like it’s auditioning for a horror flick, it might be time to call in the pros—preferably before it starts throwing your furniture around.