Rent-a-Girlfriend: A Modern Shakespearean Spoiler Play
Act I: The Accidental Proposal
Scene: A bustling café, where Mitya, a hapless romantic, sits with his friends, each nursing their own woes of love.
Mitya: (sighs dramatically) Oh, cruel fate! My heart, a shipwrecked vessel, hath found itself in tempestuous waters! I did propose to my fair lady, yet I am betrothed to another! Alas, Vasya, my unyielding wife, shall not grant me freedom!
Friend 1: (leans in, conspiratorial) Good Mitya, what folly drives thee to such madness? To propose whilst shackled in matrimony is a jest most cruel!
Mitya: (waving his hands) I know not how it came to pass! One moment, I was jesting, and the next, I was on bended knee, ring in hand! Can a man not dream?
Friend 2: (snickers) A dream, indeed! But now, your heart is caught ‘twixt two fair maidens: the one who doth love thee and the one who hath tied thee in legal bonds!
Act II: The Quest for Divorce
Scene: Mitya’s apartment, cluttered with reminders of his marriage to Vasya. He gathers his friends to hatch a plan.
Mitya: (determined) We must persuade Vasya to grant me a divorce! Forsooth, I cannot live a lie, nor can I abandon my newfound affection!
Friend 1: (raising an eyebrow) And how dost thou propose to swindle her heart? With sweet words or a grand gesture?
Mitya: (clutching his chest) A grand gesture, of course! I shall serenade her under the moonlight, confessing my undying love for her, whilst simultaneously begging for release! A true Shakespearean tragedy!
Friend 2: (rolling eyes) A tragedy, indeed! But know this: Vasya is as stubborn as a mule with a vendetta. She shall not yield easily!
Act III: The Confrontation
Scene: A moonlit park where Mitya confronts Vasya, flanked by his friends who are trying to remain inconspicuous.
Vasya: (arms crossed) Mitya, dost thou think to win me over with a song? Thy heart is fickle, like the wind!
Mitya: (pleading) Nay, dear Vasya! I love thee still, but my heart hath found another! I implore thee, grant me this one wish, a divorce, so I may pursue my destiny!
Vasya: (laughs coldly) Destiny? Thou art a fool! Love is not a game to be rented and returned at thy whim!
Friend 1: (whispers to Mitya) Perhaps a bribe? A new car or a lavish trip?
Mitya: (shocked) Bribe her? Is this a Shakespearean play or a cheap comedy?
Act IV: The Resolution
Scene: The café once more, where Mitya reflects on his journey with friends.
Mitya: (sipping coffee) Alas, my quest was in vain! Vasya’s heart is as unyielding as stone. Yet, perhaps it is I who must change!
Friend 2: (smirking) So, what now? Shall you rent a girlfriend for real, or continue in this tragicomedy?
Mitya: (grinning) Aye! I shall rent a girlfriend, for love is a fickle mistress! Let the world see my folly and my triumph!
All Friends: (raising their cups) To Mitya! May his heart find peace amidst the chaos of love!
And so ends our tale of Mitya, caught in a web of love and miscommunication, where one accidental proposal spiraled into a comedic quest for freedom, leaving us all wondering if love can truly be rented.