The Great Wall: A Spoiler-Filled Recap
William: So, Tovar, we’re on a quest for black powder, right? Just two mercenaries making our way through the 15th century, nothing could go wrong!
Tovar: Absolutely, what could possibly happen? I mean, it’s just a casual stroll in China, and oh look, a mysterious creature! How quaint!
William: Right? Let’s run for our lives! Oh, wait, where are we? Is that… the Great Wall?
Tovar: Looks like it. And look! A bunch of heavily armed warriors! I bet they love tourists!
William: Spoiler alert: they don’t. We’re now prisoners. Thanks, Tovar!
Tovar: Hey, at least we’re not being eaten by those monsters! Oh, wait, did I mention there’s a legendary horde that attacks every 60 years?
William: You’re kidding! We just walked straight into a monster buffet? Fantastic!
Tovar: But look on the bright side, we’ll get to see some epic battles! The Chinese warriors are ready to defend their wall!
William: Yes, and they have some serious skills! Who knew ancient China had such a killer military strategy? They’re like the Avengers, but with more arrows!
Tovar: And less spandex. But hey, what’s that monster called? The Tao Tei? Sounds like a fancy tea!
William: More like a tea party you don’t want to crash. These creatures are terrifying! And they’re here to munch on our lovely warriors! Delicious!
Tovar: They really need to work on their monster control. I mean, every 60 years? That’s just poor planning!
William: Right? And what’s with the colors? They look like a bad Halloween costume gone horribly wrong!
Tovar: But we can’t forget our heroics! We’ve got to convince these warriors we can help them out! Let’s show them how to use black powder!
William: Brilliant plan! But first, can we just take a moment to appreciate the fact that we’re fighting a legendary monster horde with a bunch of people we just met?
Tovar: It’s a classic buddy cop scenario! Only instead of solving crimes, we’re saving humanity! And let’s not forget our romantic subplot with the warrior, Lin Mae!
William: Ah yes, nothing says “I love you” like battling monsters together. It’s basically the medieval version of a date night!
Tovar: And spoiler alert: we win! The wall holds strong, and the Tao Tei get sent packing! Thanks to our clever use of black powder!
William: Who knew black powder would come in handy? I’m just glad we survived to tell the tale. But what’s next? A sequel where we fight more monsters?
Tovar: Or maybe we just retire and open a tea shop? After all, we’ve survived one monster horde; how hard can it be to serve tea?
William: Now that’s a plot twist I can get behind! Let’s do it!