Underwater: A Deep Dive into Dread
Picture this: a group of researchers, all decked out in their best aquatic attire, decide to throw a party 11,000 meters under the sea. What could possibly go wrong? Oh, just a little thing called a massive earthquake that turns their underwater laboratory into a glorified fish tank with a broken filter. Welcome to Underwater, where the only thing deeper than the ocean is the plot hole!
Our story kicks off with Norah (Kristen Stewart), who is basically the queen of bad decisions. She wakes up with a bad hair day and an even worse situation: the lab is shaking like it’s auditioning for a role in a disaster movie. Spoiler alert: it gets worse. As the crew scrambles to figure out how to survive, they quickly realize that their oxygen supply is about as reliable as a Wi-Fi signal in the middle of the ocean. Good luck with that!
With the lab crumbling around them, Norah and her band of misfits—who are definitely not the A-Team—decide to take a leisurely stroll on the ocean floor. Because, you know, when faced with imminent death, the best course of action is to walk through the dark, mysterious depths of the ocean where you might encounter a bunch of angry sea creatures. What are they going to do, swim away?
As they embark on their underwater trek, we meet a colorful cast of characters: the overly optimistic guy who thinks they can still make it to happy hour, the grumpy engineer who’s just trying to fix things with duct tape, and a couple of other folks who are basically there to make the body count more interesting. Spoiler: they don’t all make it. Who knew underwater horror could be so… predictable?
Every now and then, the film throws in a jump scare, courtesy of some creepy deep-sea creatures that look like they were designed by a committee of nightmares. Seriously, I half-expected to see Cthulhu popping up to say hi. But instead, we get a series of “Oh no, look out!” moments that feel more forced than a bad pun at a dad joke convention.
As the group continues their descent into madness (and the ocean), they face one catastrophe after another, proving that there’s no such thing as a safe work environment when you’re 11,000 meters underwater. Spoiler alert: things go from bad to worse, and the tension ramps up faster than you can say “shark bait.”
In the end, Norah finds herself in a showdown with the ocean’s worst nightmare, and let’s just say she’s not coming back for a sequel. But hey, at least she had a great hair day in the process! The film wraps up with a classic “did we survive or not?” moment that leaves you wondering if you just wasted an hour and a half of your life. Spoiler: you probably did.
So, if you’re in the mood for a film that makes you appreciate dry land and the joys of breathing air, Underwater is your ticket. Just remember: when the ocean calls, it’s probably best to ignore it and stick to Netflix.