In the Realm of Adam-12: A Modern Shakespearean Review
Act I: The Call of Duty
(Enter Officer Malloy, a sturdy figure, with a twinkle of mischief in his eye, and Officer Reed, the eager young partner, with a notebook in hand.)
Malloy:
Hark! What light through yonder windshield breaks?
‘Tis the duty of patrol, and we are but humble knights
in blue, ready to joust with lawlessness upon these streets!
Reed:
Aye, good sir! With our trusty steed, Adam-12,
we shall face the perils of Los Angeles,
from the scoundrels in alleys to the mischief-makers in parks!
Malloy:
But lo! What mischief do we encounter today?
A runaway dog? A parking violation?
Or perhaps a villainous plot to steal the crown jewels?
Reed:
Nay, dear Malloy! ‘Tis a day filled with the mundane,
yet, in our hands, the mundane turns to merriment!
Let us embark upon our noble quest!
Act II: The Call of the Wild
(The duo patrols the streets, encountering various characters.)
Malloy:
Behold yon street corner! A gathering of youths
engaged in a most suspicious game of hacky sack!
Shall we intervene, or let them be?
Reed:
Methinks a gentle warning shall suffice!
For they know not the laws of the land,
nor the consequences of their frolic!
Malloy:
(To the youths)
Good sirs and madams, cease thy frolicking
lest ye find yourselves in the clutches of the law!
First Youth:
We mean no harm, noble officers!
We merely seek to enjoy the sun’s embrace!
What crime lies in joy?
Reed:
Aye, but joy must abide by the rules,
lest it turns to chaos and we must don the mask of justice!
Act III: The Climax of Comedy
(As they continue their patrol, chaos ensues at a bakery.)
Malloy:
What light through yonder pastry shop breaks?
Yonder baker doth seem distressed!
Shall we lend our valor to this sweet affair?
Reed:
Aye! For I spy a croissant thief!
With hands as sticky as the honeyed glaze!
To arms, good Malloy, let us apprehend this rogue!
(They chase the thief, who slips on a rogue éclair.)
Malloy:
(Breathless)
Lo and behold! Fate hath delivered justice
in the form of a pastry!
Thou shalt not escape us, sweet rogue!
Thief:
(Falling)
Alas! The pastry hath betrayed me!
What cruel twist of fate!
I only sought a taste of the good life!
Act IV: The Denouement
(In the aftermath, the officers return to their car, triumphant.)
Malloy:
Thus, we have saved the day,
one croissant at a time!
What say you, Reed?
Shall we return to the station, or seek more adventures?
Reed:
Let us return, for the donuts await!
But fear not, dear Malloy!
Tomorrow, we shall patrol once more,
for the streets of Los Angeles are never dull!
Malloy:
Aye, ’tis a life of laughter and law!
Until the morrow, my friend,
let us revel in the spoils of the day!