Bullseye: A Hilariously Dark Cattle Capade
Set in the wild, untamed 1860s Australia, Bullseye is a raucous romp through the outback that pairs the thrill of cattle rustling with the charm of two utterly incompetent friends, Harry and Bluey. If you’ve ever wondered what happens when you mix a thousand head of cattle with a pair of bumbling bandits, well, you’re in for a treat—or a nightmare, depending on your affinity for bovine drama.
Our story kicks off with Harry and Bluey, two chaps with more ambition than sense, embarking on a grand adventure to steal a thousand head of cattle. Yes, you read that right—a thousand! It’s like they thought, “Why take one cow when you can have a thousand and make an absolute mess of it?” So, off they trot from Queensland to Adelaide, leaving chaos in their wake and a trail of confused farmers wondering where their prized bovines have scurried off to.
As they navigate the treacherous terrain, it quickly becomes clear that Harry and Bluey are not exactly the sharpest tools in the shed. Picture this: one of them is constantly losing the map (because who needs directions when you have sheer luck?), while the other is busy trying to befriend the cattle as if they were long-lost friends. Spoiler alert: cows don’t make great travel companions, especially when they start stampeding because they’ve mistaken Harry for a particularly aggressive bull.
Along the way, our intrepid duo encounters a series of colorful characters, including a band of outlaws who are just as incompetent but somehow more dangerous. These guys have a penchant for wearing hats way too large for their heads and attempting to rob Harry and Bluey at every turn. It’s like watching a bad slapstick comedy unfold, only with more cattle and fewer laughs—unless you count the moments when Harry trips over his own feet while trying to escape.
As they journey on, the duo faces a series of increasingly absurd challenges. From a stampede that nearly flattens them to an encounter with a tribe of indigenous people who are not amused by their antics (and who can blame them?), it’s a miracle these two manage to stay alive. But then again, there’s nothing quite like the smell of a thousand frightened cows to keep you motivated, right?
Just when you think their luck can’t get any worse, they end up in the middle of a cattle auction in Adelaide, where they mistakenly believe they can sell their stolen herd. Spoiler alert: the locals are not impressed. In a twist of fate that could only happen in a film like this, Harry and Bluey find themselves on the run from both the law and the very farmers they’ve wronged, leading to a chaotic chase scene that is equal parts hilarious and horrifying.
Ultimately, Bullseye is a wild ride that showcases the utter ridiculousness of attempting to pull off a heist of this magnitude with two of the most incompetent thieves in Australian history. It’s a film that leaves you wondering if you should laugh or cringe at the absurdity of it all. So grab your imaginary lassos and prepare for a ride through a comedic cattle caper that’s as messy as it is entertaining!