Next: A Time-Bending Romp Through Predictable Chaos
Picture this: a world where you can foresee your own future, but only two minutes ahead. Sounds like a superpower, right? Well, welcome to the life of Cris Johnson, played by the ever-swirling Nicolas Cage, who spends his days hustling in Las Vegas casinos and his nights dodging the existential dread of being a human crystal ball.
The film kicks off with Cris casually flaunting his ability to predict outcomes—like a psychic who’s had too much caffeine. He’s cashing in on his talent, but wait! The LAPD, with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer, catches wind of his gift. They think he’s the perfect pawn to help thwart a nuclear attack orchestrated by a group of terrorists who, let’s be honest, are about as subtle as a marching band in a library.
Now, here’s where the plot thickens—or rather, where it gets a bit muddled. Cris is torn between saving the world and saving the love of his life, the gorgeous Jessica Biel, who’s conveniently named Liz. It’s almost as if the writers thought, “Let’s give him a girlfriend who’s as much a damsel in distress as she is a plot device!”
As the clock ticks down, Cris uses his foresight to navigate a series of increasingly absurd scenarios. He dodges bullets, avoids the cops, and tries to keep Liz safe, all while the clock is ticking down like an overzealous New Year’s Eve countdown. Spoiler alert: there are more explosions than you can shake a stick at, and let’s not forget the cringe-worthy dialogue that could make even the most seasoned actor cringe.
In a twist that could only be described as “Oh, please!” Cris realizes that he can’t just sit back and let fate unfold; he has to take action! So, he decides to play the hero, which is great and all, but it’s tough to take him seriously when he keeps looking like he’s just come from an all-night bender. And let’s not forget the terrorists—who, despite their grandiose plans, seem to have the organizational skills of a toddler trying to build a Lego set without instructions.
In the grand finale, Cris manages to save Liz and, in a fit of cinematic irony, ensures that the nuclear threat is neutralized. But wait! There’s a twist that leaves you scratching your head—Cris’s ability to see the future isn’t just about two minutes anymore. He can see countless possibilities, like a choose-your-own-adventure book gone rogue. Unfortunately, this revelation comes with all the clarity of a foggy day in Scotland.
As the credits roll, you’re left with a sense of bewilderment. Did he really save the world, or was it just another day in the life of a man who can’t make up his mind? Next is a film that tries to blend action, romance, and sci-fi but ends up being a delightful mess of predictable tropes and Cage-isms. If you’re looking for a film that’s as layered as a Scottish onion, you might want to look elsewhere. But if you fancy a laugh and a bit of unintentional comedy, then grab a seat and enjoy the ride!