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The Glittering Follies of Strictly Come Dancing: A Modern Shakespearean Recap
Act I: The Dance Begins
Enter CHORUS:
“Hark! The stage is set, the lights ablaze,
For a contest of twirls, spins, and a glittery craze.
With the glitter ball trophy shining bright,
Our stars prepare to dance into the night.”
Enter CHRIS HOLLINS, AUSTIN HEALEY, KELLY BROOK, MARK RAMPRASH, ALI BASTIAN, and NATALIE CASSIDY, bedecked in sequins.
CHRIS:
“Fear not, dear friends, for I am the chosen one!
The glitter ball shall be mine by the setting sun!”
AUSTIN:
“Nay, Chris! Thy confidence doth make me giggle,
For I shall steal the show with a flick and a wiggle!”
Act II: The Judges’ Quips
Enter the JUDGES: LEN GOODMAN, BRUNO TONIOLI, CRAIG REVEL HORWOOD, and ARLENE PHILIPS, armed with scores and sass.
LEN:
“A dance, my dears, is like a fine wine,
It must breathe, it must flow, it must truly shine!”
BRUNO:
“Oh, darling! You twirled like a dervish in delight,
But that footwork, my sweet, was a terrible fright!”
CRAIG:
“I give thee a score of a mere three,
For that move looked like a calamity to me!”
ARLENE:
“But let us not forget the art of the dance,
For even the clumsy deserve a fair chance!”
Act III: The Dance-Off and Dramatic Elimination
CHORUS:
“Alas! The tension mounts, the stakes are high,
Who shall remain, and who must say goodbye?”
NATALIE:
“Oh, the horror! My samba was a bit too bold,
Will I be sent home, or shall I behold?”
Enter PROFESSIONAL PARTNERS: KRISTINA RIHANOFF, JAMES and OLA JORDAN, BRIAN FORTUNA, NATALIE LOWE, and IAN WAITE, ready to save the day.
KRISTINA:
“Fear not, dear Natalie, for I shall lead,
Together we shall dance, and the judges shall heed!”
Act IV: The Final Showdown
CHORUS:
“With the final dance, the stakes are clear,
The glitter ball trophy draws ever near!”
MARK:
“A cha-cha so splendid, they’ll sing my praise,
I shall dazzle them all in a sequined blaze!”
CHRIS:
“But hark! My quickstep shall steal the night,
With flair and finesse, I shall take flight!”
Exeunt omnes, the judges scribbling scores, the audience in a frenzy.
Finale: The Winner Revealed
CHORUS:
“And lo! The moment has come, the decision is nigh,
The glitter ball sparkles, who shall claim the prize high?”
LEN:
“With elegance and grace, the victor we find,
It’s Chris Hollins, the champion, truly one of a kind!”
BRUNO:
“Bravo, darling! You danced with such flair,
Now prance with thy trophy, throw glitter in the air!”
CRAIG:
“And thus, let us toast to this splendid affair,
For in the realm of dance, we all have our share!”
ARLENE:
“So let us rejoice in this glittery quest,
For all who have danced, we truly are blessed!”
CHORUS:
“Thus ends our tale, of dance and of glee,
Until next season, dear friends, we bid thee adieu—
And remember, there’s always more glitter to pursue!”
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