When Mercenaries Go Wild: A Spoiler-Filled Recap of The Expendables
Barney Ross: “Alright, team, we’re going to Vilena. Just a routine operation, right? How hard can it be?”
Dolph Lundgren: “I’m just here for the muscles and the explosions. Let’s do this!”
Jason Statham: “And the hair gel. Don’t forget the hair gel.”
Barney Ross: “Focus, people! We’re being sent in by the Church to oust a dictator. What could possibly go wrong?”
Wesley Snipes: “Well, given that we’re a bunch of mercenaries with more guns than sense, I’d say a lot.”
Barney Ross: “Nonsense! We’ll just sneak in, take out the bad guy, and be back in time for dinner.”
Team Member: “You mean a dinner with bullets and grenades?”
Barney Ross: “Exactly! Now, let’s get on with it.”
Narrator: *Fast forward to Vilena, where things go from 0 to 100 real quick!*
Barney Ross: “Okay, we’ve been double-crossed! Who’s the traitor?”
Jet Li: “My money’s on the guy who said, ‘Trust me!’”
Barney Ross: “Right! Time to rescue the innocent people caught in this mess. You know, the ones we didn’t even know existed until now.”
Team Member: “Oh great, more hostages. Just what we needed!”
Barney Ross: “Suck it up! We’re going in guns blazing.”
Jason Statham: “And I’ll bring the gel!”
Narrator: *Cue the explosions, gunfire, and a whole lot of testosterone as they embark on the most chaotic rescue mission ever.*
Barney Ross: “We’ll save the day, or at least give it a good scare!”
Wesley Snipes: “And possibly a few dozen holes!”
Narrator: *They storm the dictator’s fortress, dodging bullets like it’s a game of dodgeball. Spoiler alert: they have a lot of fun doing it.*
Barney Ross: “Look, here’s the deal: I’ll take the bad guys, you take the explosions. Ready?”
Team Member: “Born ready!”
Narrator: *After a series of outrageous stunts, improbable escapes, and the kind of camaraderie only found in action movies, our heroes manage to rescue the innocent and take down the dictator.*
Barney Ross: “Mission accomplished! And we only blew up half the city!”
Jason Statham: “I call that a win!”
Narrator: *And so, with the sun setting and a sense of brotherhood in the air, our ragtag team of mercenaries rides off into the sunset, ready for their next ridiculous adventure.*
Barney Ross: “Next time, I’m picking the location. How about a nice beach?”
Wesley Snipes: “Only if there are no dictators!”