A Haunted House 2: A Modern Shakespearean Spoiler-Rich Review
Act I, Scene I: In a dimly lit living room, we find Malcolm, a man of dubious taste in domestic arrangements, addressing the audience with fervor.
Malcolm: Hark! What light through yonder window breaks? ‘Tis the light of my new life, with Megan, fair and beautiful, and her two sprightly progeny, Becky and Wyatt. Yet, lo! What shadows lurk in this new abode?
Act I, Scene II: The new house, a character in its own right, is revealed to be more than just walls and a roof.
Megan: Malcolm, sweet love, dost thou not feel the chill upon thy spine? This house, it whispers secrets!
Malcolm: Nay, my love! ‘Tis but a draft from yon window. I shall capture all with my cameras, for what is life without the art of documentation?
Act II, Scene I: The family settles in, but strange happenings begin to unfold—doors creak, shadows flit, and toys move of their own accord.
Wyatt: Father, what sorcery is this? The doll doth move when no eye is upon it!
Malcolm: Fear not, dear child! ‘Tis merely a trick of the light—or perhaps a haunting? A ghostly presence seeks to make its acquaintance!
Act II, Scene II: Enter the doll, a harbinger of chaos, with an uncanny ability to entice mischief.
Doll: (in an eerie voice) Malcolm, oh sweet Malcolm, come hither! Let us play a game most delightful!
Malcolm: (bewildered) What manner of witchcraft is this? A doll that speaks? I must film this for posterity!
Act III, Scene I: The plot thickens as Malcolm’s obsession with the doll leads to more supernatural shenanigans, and the family dynamics grow ever more strained.
Megan: Malcolm, dost thou not see? The doll hath bewitched thee! Our home is beset by spirits!
Malcolm: Nay, sweet Megan! ‘Tis merely a playful spirit! (He looks into the camera) This will surely go viral!
Act III, Scene II: A climactic showdown ensues, with Malcolm battling the forces of the supernatural while desperately trying to keep his family intact.
Becky: Father! The doll hath taken me hostage! Save me!
Malcolm: Fear not, dear child! I shall vanquish this foul creature with the power of my… (grabs a camera) …my vlog!
Act IV, Scene I: In a twist befitting the grandest of tragedies, the doll reveals its true nature, and Malcolm must confront his fears in a hilariously absurd manner.
Doll: (cackling) Thou thinkest thou can defeat me? I am the spirit of chaos!
Malcolm: (frantically) Chaos? I thrive in chaos! (He stumbles, drops the camera, and accidentally captures a ghostly figure behind him)
Act V, Scene I: The family unites, confronting the doll and the spirits with a mix of courage and ridiculous antics, ultimately leading to a resolution that is as ludicrous as it is heartfelt.
Megan: Together, we shall banish this evil! Family is stronger than any curse!
Malcolm: (raising his camera) On three, we shout, “Away with thee, foul doll!” One, two, three…!
Act V, Scene II: As the curtain falls, the family emerges victorious, albeit with some residual ghostly antics still afoot.
Malcolm: (to the audience) And thus, dear friends, we learn that even in the most haunted of houses, love and laughter prevail—if only just barely!
Finale: The curtain closes with a comedic flourish, leaving the audience in stitches, pondering the absurdity of life, love, and haunted dolls.