Halloween Kills: A Hilariously Bloody Reunion
Picture this: Laurie Strode, our favorite survivalist grandma, is convinced she’s finally kicked Michael Myers to the curb. But wait! Like that pesky relative who shows up uninvited to Thanksgiving dinner, Michael just can’t stay away. Spoiler alert: he’s back, and he’s brought his A-game in the form of a butcher knife and a very questionable haircut.
As the film opens, Laurie is recovering in the hospital, probably binge-watching daytime TV and wondering why the doctors are so obsessed with her “trauma.” Meanwhile, the town of Haddonfield is buzzing with the news that the boogeyman has returned. I mean, who wouldn’t want to throw a party when a serial killer is on the loose? It’s like finding out your neighbor’s cat has gone missing – you just have to check it out!
Laurie, along with her daughter Karen and granddaughter Allyson, decides enough is enough! They gather a ragtag team of survivors who, let’s be honest, probably have more issues than a magazine subscription. They’re all determined to end Michael’s reign of terror once and for all. Spoiler: their plan is about as effective as using a colander to catch water.
Now, while Laurie is off playing the world’s angriest game of whack-a-mole with Michael, the townsfolk decide that mob justice is the way to go. They grab pitchforks and torches like it’s Halloween night, and let’s just say, it doesn’t end well. Cue the chaos! You’d think they’d learned something from the last time, but nope! It’s like watching a bunch of toddlers try to play soccer – everyone is running around with no idea what’s happening.
Michael, apparently fueled by an endless supply of energy drinks, goes on a rampage that would make even a caffeinated squirrel blush. He takes out more townsfolk than a bad reality show. And just when you think he’s down for the count, he pulls a “Surprise! I’m back!” trick that would make a magician weep with envy. Seriously, at one point, I thought he was going to pull a rabbit out of his mask.
Amidst all the chaos, we get some classic horror movie moments: characters making choices that defy logic (who goes into a dark room with a killer on the loose?), and the infamous “I’ll be right back” trope that is both hilarious and cringe-worthy. Spoiler: they don’t come back. Ever. It’s like they signed a contract with the Grim Reaper.
In the end, Laurie and her gang realize that defeating Michael is a bit like trying to convince a cat to take a bath – it just doesn’t happen. But hey, at least they’ve got a sequel to look forward to! And if there’s anything we’ve learned, it’s that Michael Myers is the ultimate horror movie villain, proving once again that he’s the cockroach of the slasher world: no matter how many times you think you’ve squashed him, he always comes back, stronger and ready for more.
So, grab your favorite snack and prepare for a film that’s equal parts thrilling and absurd. Halloween Kills is the perfect blend of horror, humor, and a whole lot of “Why are we still doing this?” Trust me, it’s a wild ride that’ll leave you laughing, gasping, and questioning your life choices!