The Bard’s Take on “Have I Got News for You”

Act I: The Gathering of Wits

Enter IAN HISHLOP, a man of wit, clad in a suit of consternation.
IAN:
Good gentlefolk, doth thou seek mirth in the mire of news?
Forsooth, I bring thee tales of “Have I Got News for You,”
a play where the jesters of the realm mock the follies of our time!

Enter PAUL MERTON, with a twinkle in his eye and a quip at the ready.
PAUL:
Aye, Ian! Each week we summon a new fool,
a guest presenter to join our merry band.
They come forth to share the stage,
but little do they know, they are but pawns in our game!

IAN:
Indeed, dear Paul! With questions sharp as swords,
we slice through the layered absurdities of current events.
And lo, the audience doth laugh,
whilst the politicians weep in despair!

PAUL:
Thinkest thou of the great Boris,
who doth stumble through the news like a drunken knight,
or the endless shenanigans of Westminster’s court?
Each episode, a new scandal unfolds like a flower in bloom!

IAN:
Aye, and let us not forget our guests!
They arrive with grand expectations,
but leave with naught but a feathered cap of shame.
For in our arena, we wield the power of jest,
and they, mere players in our farcical jest!

PAUL:
How deliciously cruel!
They think they come to shine,
yet we art the true stars,
illuminating the folly of mankind with our jests!

IAN:
And what of the unseen footage, dear Paul?
A treasure trove of blunders and mishaps,
where our guests reveal their true selves!
‘Tis as if the gods themselves doth conspire to create comedy!

PAUL:
Aye, unseen footage,
where the unfiltered truth doth spill forth,
revealing the awkward moments that doth make us laugh,
and the wisecracks that doth leave them aghast!

IAN:
And so we gather, week after week,
to poke fun at the world’s absurdity.
Our quiz, a mirror held to society’s face,
reflecting the chaos with a chuckle and a sigh.

PAUL:
So come, dear audience, partake in our revelry,
where news is but a jest,
and laughter doth reign supreme!
For in this theatre of folly,
we are all but players,
laughing at the world’s grand performance!

Exeunt omnes, leaving the audience in fits of laughter.